I am an American so today is my Mother’s Day. If I were back home I would have been bombarded with messages and advertisements over the past few weeks. When I was living in America and trying so desperately to have a baby these messages would undo me every year. It was yet another reminder that my family was incomplete.

I kind of hate Mother’s Day. Even though I was lucky enough to have my babies via IVF I still feel pangs of guilt and sorrow on this day. For my sisters who are still struggling, my heart is broken. I will never forget how painful it is to see all these images of happy families all over my social media and television. I “unfollowed” so many of my friends during those years and especially around Mother’s Day.  It’s not that I begrudge any of them the joy of sharing photos of them with their kids (full disclosure, I did it myself on my personal social media accounts today) but I just found it so hard to take when I was trying and trying to get and stay pregnant. And I have a sense of guilt (always a recurring theme with me!) for being able to have a successful pregnancy and give birth to two healthy children. Why was I blessed so abundantly when so many amazing women I know are still struggling? I could write several blog posts on guilt and how useless it is and how I am still driven by it in my daily life. And I shall.

But for today, I just want to tell you that if you are still on your infertility journey that I have stood where you stand and I know the exquisite pain of a day as seemingly soft and friendly as Mother’s Day. This holiday has teeth and it can do real damage.

Take care of yourselves today and all days.